No Rest for the Weary - July 21st

It's 5:29 am and I'm here creating a new post because I've been awake for the last three hours and don't know what to do with myself. I got up at 2:30 am to feed JJ and instead of going back to sleep after that like he usually does, he decided to stay up and fuss for three hours. Eventually he was hungry again and this time he did fall asleep after eating, but I've been awake for so long I'm not sure I can go back to sleep now. And to top it all off, a mosquito just bit me on the forehead. Can't a girl get a break?

Nights like tonight make me understand why some people can lose their temper with an infant. They seem so amazing and adorable when you look at them and think about how helpless and innocent they are, but then you spend a night trying (unsuccessfully) to cater to their needs and you quickly realize that you have become a slave to their every whim. It's frustrating and quite frankly, infuriating that this little creature can have that much control over me. I've had the urge to "shake" him quite a few times now, but I've always had enough sense to leave the room and cool off. I'm not justifying the terrible things that some people do to their beautiful little babies, but like I said, I understand how a person could lose control under the circumstances. Between the sleep deprivation and the baby's incessant crying, after endless attempts at quieting the little dear, one can not be expected to be sane.

So now I'm faced yet again with a difficult choice. Do I force myself to fall back asleep with the extremely high likelihood that it will only result in approximately 1 solid hour of sleep, but with the chance that I could get a coveted two hours or more, or do I stay awake and do the things I enjoy doing while I have a chance, even if it means I'll be a zombie for the rest of the day? I know I should try to go back to sleep, but I'm so sick of having no control over when I sleep and for how long, not to mention what I can do with my time when I'm awake. I'm much like a rebellious teenager, doing what I want in spite of the things I can't control; but ultimately I'm only going to make things worse for myself. Of course, now I've wasted about a half hour of potential sleep since JJ's been snoozing for that long and I've been here ranting and venting. But really, what is another half hour or hour or two hours of sleep really going to do for me at this point? Besides, I can sleep when I'm dead.